it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
