she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
