If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
