no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
