Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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