It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
