I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
