i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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