My friends, they love my intelligence
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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