yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
