Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
