It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
