In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
