Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize