i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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