went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So many bounce houses so little time
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
