We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
