The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I would ride that face into the sunset
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
