Old men and throwing up are my life now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
