we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
