The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
two words...techno handjob
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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