i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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