Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
