I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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