Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
