Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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