I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
