peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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