i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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