i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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