Define "chronic" masturbator.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
