Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
