I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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