i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
