i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
