Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
