oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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