I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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