tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
