Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize