the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
