that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize