Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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