No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
