so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize