Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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