when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize