my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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