He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
