I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
