i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
