well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
