well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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