she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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