I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
