So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
sex in a hospital.. check
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize