You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There r osticjed everywhere
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
