do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
