Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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