Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize