Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
