Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
