at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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