This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
