i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize