i permit you to call me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
