i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
