Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
