you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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