you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just had sex on a roof
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
