I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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