I'm jealous of your bromance
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
