guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
