he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
